HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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