Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
