I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I need moral support for this bender
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
