new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
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Mom said you looked used
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
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My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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