There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
