He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
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"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
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I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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