i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
