Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
