Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
