I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
