I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So squirting runs in the family.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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