note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
