he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
