The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
