This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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