come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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