someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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