I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Jerry, you need to find god
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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