Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
