I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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