Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
