Christians are straight up FREAKS
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
did i just pee glitter
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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