I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
