She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
we should paint friendship bongs
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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