I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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