man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
