He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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