Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
