i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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