my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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