I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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