So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
