I think I am morally bankrupt
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
