Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
