I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
