i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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