He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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