there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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