I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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