If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
