i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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