yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
