Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
