sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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