I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
