im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
