Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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