That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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