I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I will be naked everywhere
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Terrible idea I love it
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
