The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
