Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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