Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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