You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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