If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
