ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
