i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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