if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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