there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
