If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
