Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Terrible idea I love it
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize