Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
