If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I love you. Go after that dick
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
