you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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