the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Someone stole a lamp last night.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
